My toddler the poet:
"Mommy you are boti (chicken), I am chawal (rice).
Mommy you are [the] rainbow. I am [the] sun.
Mommy you are [the] sun. I am [the] moon."
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
Friday, June 19, 2015
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Raising a Moral Child
My daughter just turned two, and she has already started showing signs of compassion and love. Yesterday, when I was bringing in the groceries she stopped, and offered me her hand for support. The other day when she was out playing in the backyard, and I was inside, she kept on coming back to kiss me.
We have tried to be very positive around her, highlighting positive behavior, and ignoring tantrums, willing them to obsolesce. It takes an effort to raise a moral child. Here are some tips from an article published in the NY Times.
We have tried to be very positive around her, highlighting positive behavior, and ignoring tantrums, willing them to obsolesce. It takes an effort to raise a moral child. Here are some tips from an article published in the NY Times.
- By age 2, children experience some moral emotions, enforced by right and wrong.
- Praise is more effective than rewards.
- "Rewards run the risk of leading children to be kind only when a carrot is offered, whereas praise communicates that sharing is intrinsically worthwhile for its own sake."
- What kind of praise should be given?
- Their character should be praised instead of their actions. This helps them in internalizing it as a part of their character.
- "When our actions become a reflection of our character, we lean more heavily toward the moral and generous choices. Over time it can become part of us."
- "Tying generosity to character appears to matter most around age 8, when children may be starting to crystallize notions of identity."
- "When children cause harm, they typically feel one of two moral emotions: shame or guilt."
- "Shame is the feeling that I am a bad person, whereas guilt is the feeling that I have done a bad thing."
- "Shame is a negative judgment about the core self, which is devastating: Shame makes children feel small and worthless, and they respond either by lashing out at the target or escaping the situation altogether."
- "Guilt is a negative judgment about an action, which can be repaired by good behavior. When children feel guilt, they tend to experience remorse and regret, empathize with the person they have harmed, and aim to make it right."
- "Shame emerges when parents express anger, withdraw their love, or try to assert their power through threats of punishment: Children may begin to believe that they are bad people."
- Parents should explain to their children:
- Why the behavior was wrong
- How it affect others
- How they can rectify the situation
- The appropriate response should be:
- “You’re a good person, even if you did a bad thing, and I know you can do better.”
- "The beauty of expressing disappointment is that it communicates disapproval of the bad behavior, coupled with high expectations and the potential for improvement."
Friday, May 16, 2014
La Meme Histoire - The Same Story
She had existed and now she did not. Not at all, as if not ever. And people hurried around, as if this outrageous fact could be overcome by making sensible arrangements. He, too, obeyed the custom, signing where he was told to sign, arranging — as they said — for the remains...
And before long he found himself outside, pretending that he had as ordinary and good reason as anybody else to put one foot ahead of the other.
What he carried with him, all he carried with him, was a lack, something like a lack of air, of proper behavior in his lungs, a difficulty he supposed would go on forever.
Alice Munro, "Dear Life"
The children of Pakistani diaspora are well aware of the dreaded middle of the night long distance calls that are usually bearers of bad news. I experienced one such call, which informed us of my aunt's passing. She was in her 30's, had three kids, and died of ovarian cancer. We were in Russia at that time, in the early parts of the blissful 90's. We couldn't make long distance calls from our landline, so my parents got up, got dressed, and took the metro to my father's work to call my mother's family in Pakistan.
I was in elementary school when this happened. I believe, at this point in my life, the ramifications of death in my mind were limited to the following realities. I understood that her passing meant that her kids had lost their mother. We will never see her again. Her suffering is over. And, she has gone to heaven.
Her death, didn't make me think of my parents' mortality. It didn't instigate the fear that just like my cousins, I might also lose my parents one day. Or, what if my mom, or any other female member of our family, might also get ovarian cancer.
But, losing my grandparents, within the span of last three years, and losing an entire one generation of my family, has instigated a new found fear of losing my own parents. In 2012, I lost my Dadhie (father's mom), in 2013 my Dadha (father's dad). My Dadha was never the same after losing his wife, my Dadhi. He became reclusive, and passed away a couple of months after her death.
Just a few days ago (Mother's Day to be exact) I lost my Nanni, mom's mom. My Nanni, who lost her husband, my Nanna, almost 25 years ago, missed him every day, and really loved him till her dying breath. Theirs was a legendary love story that my mom really enjoyed telling us. They used to go on morning strolls together. It was always refreshing and reassuring to witness my Nanni's devotion for my Nanna.
Yes. When we get married, I thought, Oh, we will have a long time together. I thought to myself, Thirty years at least, maybe forty. Fifty, if we are lucky. Why not? But time, it is like charm. You never have as much as you think.
Khaled Hosseini, "And the Mountains Echoed"
The sad thing about relationships is that we usually get so busy with our daily quotidian that we forget to take a moment to appreciate the mundanity of day to day life. You see, relationships just like life also go through a cycle. In the beginning relationships are exciting, there is the whole element of mystery involved. The two people are practically unknown to each other, which gives them the opportunity to present the best versions of themselves, the version they wish they were all the time. But, as the time progresses we all fall into the pattern of our usual-old-less-alluring-selves. Someone ordinary.
But those who want happiness, find beauty and love in the ordinary. Their shared priorities push them forward to achieve other greater milestones of marriage, such as building a home together, and most importantly starting a family. Once the kids come along, the life really starts to revolve around their bedtime, nap times, and meal times. At this stage in life, sometimes couples struggle to find time to see each other as husband and wife.
But life moves on. The kids grow up. You worry about their school, their college, their well-being...And, the next thing you know you are the grandparents now. That's how I see my parents. I don't know when I became the "adult" with a husband and a kid, and when my parents became the "grandparents". Members of the oldest generation of our family.
My own grandparents lived long, healthy, and fulfilling lives. They got to see their great grandchildren. Their lives have taught me the importance of building traditions. For instance, every year for Mother's Day, my sister and I would bake something for my mom, and our mom would make halva (a Pakistani dessert) for her mother. Then we would all get together at my Nanni's house for lunch. That tradition is not there anymore. And, now my grandparents have become a part of my folklore. But, it's our turn to make new traditions, so my kid can also have the same relationship that I had with my grandparents.
Note: The title of this post is borrowed from a Feist song featured in one of my favorite movies, Paris, je t'aime.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Jan 6, 1920 - Jan 5, 2013
The dead they sleep a long, long sleep;
The dead they rest, and their rest is deep;
The dead have peace, but the living weep.
By Samuel Hoffenstein
RIP, Dada. Your memories will always remain with me.
The dead they rest, and their rest is deep;
The dead have peace, but the living weep.
By Samuel Hoffenstein
RIP, Dada. Your memories will always remain with me.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Letting Go vs. Getting Closer
I was going to email my husband this blogpost, but the following paragraph inspired me to post it here instead.
The chapter titles in some of the pregnancy books we read featured “Being a Mom” versus “Becoming a Father.” I joked about it then, and now I find that it’s true: you are instantly a mom, but you become a father. My wife was never more needed than she was that first day, and will never be again. Her journey requires a steady sequence of letting go (giving birth, going back to work, weaning from the breast). My journey is in reverse, it’s a steady sequence of getting closer.
As we are getting closer to the due date, I am realizing how much I am going to miss having the baby as a part of me. When I first found out I was pregnant, I couldn't wait till the due date, and thought it was light years away. But, now that I am almost half way through my third trimester, I know I am going to miss feeling the baby's kicks, little movements, and seeing his or her little fingers through my epidermis.
In the quoted paragraph, it says that motherhood is about letting go. I would never have this much control over the baby's diet and safety as I have now. When my husband and I were talking about setting up the baby's crib in our room for the first few months, I could already sense the feelings of separation anxiety taking over the better of me. The mother in me found the idea of having the baby a feet away from our bed heartbreaking. Pregnancy is a beautiful (albeit at times uncomfortable) experience and I am going to miss it.
Friday, March 4, 2011
My Loves
In my South Asian culture children live at home until they are married. So after marriage when I moved to California my love for my family evolved into a deep feeling of appreciation. In the past one year I have become more appreciative of what my family means to me.
My mom made me the woman I am. If it were not for her I would not have the happy marriage I have. She taught me the value of a good marriage. She showed me how to balance the dichotomies that lie within me. If it were not for her I would still be struggling with the East vs. West conflict. I would still be struggling to keep a balance between my beautiful relationship with my husband and my own academic goals. She really created an environment for me and my sister where she showed us that we can achieve anything we want. But a successful life does not mean you have to compromise your family life. Because true sustainable happiness comes from your family life.
My father travelled a lot because of work. He was never an active parent, where he was involved in our day to day life. But, whenever he came back to visit us he brought us books. He took us to museums and encouraged us to think and reflect about the great people who have lived before us. These "nerdy" exercises which we were made to do, did not seem very significant when I was growing up. But, now that I am in the graduate program I have a new found appreciation for the academic foundation my father laid for me when I was just an ignorant kid.
My brother lived away from home because of school and then later for work. I am ever so grateful for all the childhood memories we made together. He has a son now. My nephew, who my sister and I helped in naming, coincidentally has the same name as the first Muslim superhero, Batman's new sidekick the Nightrunner. How cool is that! My nephew can dress up as "himself" on Halloween.
My sister is my life and soul. She is the most intelligent person I know. She is my intellectual compass. She is my other half. I had the hardest time getting used to my new life in California because my sister was not here with me. I do not ever have to explain myself to her. She gets me just the way I am. She is truly a beautiful gift that God blessed me with.
My husband is the most understanding man I know. We have been married for over a year now, and he has made me happy above and beyond my expectations. He has already fulfilled all of my dreams. He is extremely sensitive to my needs. All I have to do is ask for something and he will make it happen. I am so blessed to have a husband who understands me, loves me, appreciates me, and provides me security and confidence. I am so lucky and blessed to be with him each and every day for the rest of our lives.
I would also like to mention my best friend. Even with all the distance we still make time to talk to each other once a week. My undergrad years would have been a total waste if it weren't for her. She is an epitome of eternal understanding.
These are the people who define me. I hope I am able to show them how much I love and appreciate them.
My mom made me the woman I am. If it were not for her I would not have the happy marriage I have. She taught me the value of a good marriage. She showed me how to balance the dichotomies that lie within me. If it were not for her I would still be struggling with the East vs. West conflict. I would still be struggling to keep a balance between my beautiful relationship with my husband and my own academic goals. She really created an environment for me and my sister where she showed us that we can achieve anything we want. But a successful life does not mean you have to compromise your family life. Because true sustainable happiness comes from your family life.
My father travelled a lot because of work. He was never an active parent, where he was involved in our day to day life. But, whenever he came back to visit us he brought us books. He took us to museums and encouraged us to think and reflect about the great people who have lived before us. These "nerdy" exercises which we were made to do, did not seem very significant when I was growing up. But, now that I am in the graduate program I have a new found appreciation for the academic foundation my father laid for me when I was just an ignorant kid.
My brother lived away from home because of school and then later for work. I am ever so grateful for all the childhood memories we made together. He has a son now. My nephew, who my sister and I helped in naming, coincidentally has the same name as the first Muslim superhero, Batman's new sidekick the Nightrunner. How cool is that! My nephew can dress up as "himself" on Halloween.
My sister is my life and soul. She is the most intelligent person I know. She is my intellectual compass. She is my other half. I had the hardest time getting used to my new life in California because my sister was not here with me. I do not ever have to explain myself to her. She gets me just the way I am. She is truly a beautiful gift that God blessed me with.
My husband is the most understanding man I know. We have been married for over a year now, and he has made me happy above and beyond my expectations. He has already fulfilled all of my dreams. He is extremely sensitive to my needs. All I have to do is ask for something and he will make it happen. I am so blessed to have a husband who understands me, loves me, appreciates me, and provides me security and confidence. I am so lucky and blessed to be with him each and every day for the rest of our lives.
I would also like to mention my best friend. Even with all the distance we still make time to talk to each other once a week. My undergrad years would have been a total waste if it weren't for her. She is an epitome of eternal understanding.
These are the people who define me. I hope I am able to show them how much I love and appreciate them.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Lessons Learned after 1 year of Marriage
2. A little bit of patience goes a long way.
3. Onions make you cry, so after peeling them put them in the freezer for a minute or two.
4. Marriage makes you smarter. I am taking courses at Berkeley for Heaven's sake :).
5. Never read a depressing, albeit engrossing, book like Jonathan Franzen's 'Freedom'. It is a social commentary of our modern day dysfunctional nuclear family. The book would make you utterly depressed about the current dismal state of marriage in our society.
6. TV shows play a crucial role in the success of a marriage. Have specific shows that the both of you should watch exclusively with each other.
7. Traveling with the spouse is fun.
8. Don't act on emotions right away. Give them some time to settle and coherently discuss any conflicts you may have.
9. Never go to bed angry.
10. Never have the same argument twice. Move on. The important thing is you both love each other and nothing can separate you.
11. Snoring should be taken as a sign of love and trust.
12. The key to a man's heart is through his stomach.
13. Ironing burns calories.
14. Even small romantic gestures go a long way.
15. Grow together. Learn from each other.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Toy Story 3
Moving on and/or growing up requires one to come in terms with their new role in life. And, this is the theme of Toy Story 3, a very emotional animated film by Pixar, which perfectly tells the story of what love and moving on is. Love is fluid and in many ways impermanent and immortal at the same time. It is an abstract feeling which is not fixed in time or place. The distance doesn't change our love it just reshapes, and redefines it.
Our adolescence is dominated with the feeling that we are the absolute centre of the universe. We feel we are misunderstood by everyone because we are "oh so very unique". We want everything; and everything is possible. We live by the doctrine "All or nothing" as Shakespeare showed in "Romeo and Juliet". If the 15 year old Juliet couldn't live with her teenage Romeo she didn't want to live at all. But, as we grow up we become more aware of our own limitations. This self-awareness may lead to disappointment and dismay as Richard Yates depicted in "Revolutionary Road".
But growing up is also an evolution of our relationships. I feel I have learnt a lot in these past 9 months of marriage. Living away from home (Toronto), and the distance of almost an entire continent forced me to reevaluate my life, and my relationship with my family and friends. Recently I was back in Toronto for one whole month. I had anticipated that my time there would be the same as what my life was like before I got married and moved to California. But my month long stay made me realize that my life is in California now. Until my husband and I move back to Canada for good, I would always be a visitor...guest...there.
As humans we are very adaptable. Life is constantly changing around us, and like the toys in the movie, we are forced to adapt to these changes. Holding onto the past would only lead to unhappiness.
But then again it's good to hold onto some traditions. For instance, I waited a whole month to watch Toy Story, so I could honour the tradition of watching Pixar productions with my sister. And, it was worth the wait.
Our adolescence is dominated with the feeling that we are the absolute centre of the universe. We feel we are misunderstood by everyone because we are "oh so very unique". We want everything; and everything is possible. We live by the doctrine "All or nothing" as Shakespeare showed in "Romeo and Juliet". If the 15 year old Juliet couldn't live with her teenage Romeo she didn't want to live at all. But, as we grow up we become more aware of our own limitations. This self-awareness may lead to disappointment and dismay as Richard Yates depicted in "Revolutionary Road".
But growing up is also an evolution of our relationships. I feel I have learnt a lot in these past 9 months of marriage. Living away from home (Toronto), and the distance of almost an entire continent forced me to reevaluate my life, and my relationship with my family and friends. Recently I was back in Toronto for one whole month. I had anticipated that my time there would be the same as what my life was like before I got married and moved to California. But my month long stay made me realize that my life is in California now. Until my husband and I move back to Canada for good, I would always be a visitor...guest...there.
As humans we are very adaptable. Life is constantly changing around us, and like the toys in the movie, we are forced to adapt to these changes. Holding onto the past would only lead to unhappiness.
But then again it's good to hold onto some traditions. For instance, I waited a whole month to watch Toy Story, so I could honour the tradition of watching Pixar productions with my sister. And, it was worth the wait.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Machu Picchu
When I met my husband for the first time, a year ago today, we didn't talk much. To me he was just one of the many guys my parents were forcing encouraging me to meet. All I knew was that he worked and lived in California. Since I had no plans of leaving Toronto, I just sat there comfortably on my cynical high horse, while he tried to impress my folks. He was talking to my father about work, and I found him boring. But, when he was finally leaving he gave me the most sincere and sweet smile.
It was because of this smile I agreed to meet him again for our second date. My second first impression of him was completely different from my first. He was so not boring. I found him witty, intelligent, and humble. I saw respect in his eyes. We talked about a lot of things including my research and the swine flu. It was when we were talking about Peru, I realized that it would be a great loss, if I didn't get to spend the rest of my life with him. Since I got the feeling that he would always take care of me. While I was having this epiphany my brain completely froze, and I couldn't, for the life of me, remember the name of the Inca site, Machu Picchu, we were talking about. I literally blanked out for five minutes and then ended up apologizing for my ditziness.
Four months later we got married, and I have been living in the States for the past seven months now. It has taken me a year to actually blog about my love story. Cheesy, I know. Everything with us happened so fast that it got very overwhelming at times. In the first few months I couldn't make sense of it all. But the reason this relationship worked out for us because we knew exactly what we were looking for. So when we finally met each other we didn't waste anytime.
I have realized that what makes marriage work is the commitment the husband and wife have for each other. If it is important for them to have a happy married life, they would do whatever it takes to make it work. Superficial aspects, like oh we must like the same shows, or read the same books are not important in the long run. If the husband and wife both want to keep each other happy they would do whatever it takes to make that happen.
I know it sounds like a simple concept. Just be committed to being committed. But it seems so elusive in today's world. We care too much about the material things.
Life is wonderful and complete, if at the end of the day, you, your loved ones, and your family are healthy and happy. That's all that matters. I know we lose sight of that sometimes. Even I lose sight of that. Living away from family in the States has been a difficult challenge for me. It has made me a snobby patriotic Canadian. But, the fact that I have my husband with me makes everything okay. I can cry to him when I miss home. I can talk to him when I get frustrated. It's just at the end of the day I know he will do anything and everything to keep me happy. And, that is what has made this past one year so remarkably beautiful.
It was because of this smile I agreed to meet him again for our second date. My second first impression of him was completely different from my first. He was so not boring. I found him witty, intelligent, and humble. I saw respect in his eyes. We talked about a lot of things including my research and the swine flu. It was when we were talking about Peru, I realized that it would be a great loss, if I didn't get to spend the rest of my life with him. Since I got the feeling that he would always take care of me. While I was having this epiphany my brain completely froze, and I couldn't, for the life of me, remember the name of the Inca site, Machu Picchu, we were talking about. I literally blanked out for five minutes and then ended up apologizing for my ditziness.
Four months later we got married, and I have been living in the States for the past seven months now. It has taken me a year to actually blog about my love story. Cheesy, I know. Everything with us happened so fast that it got very overwhelming at times. In the first few months I couldn't make sense of it all. But the reason this relationship worked out for us because we knew exactly what we were looking for. So when we finally met each other we didn't waste anytime.
I have realized that what makes marriage work is the commitment the husband and wife have for each other. If it is important for them to have a happy married life, they would do whatever it takes to make it work. Superficial aspects, like oh we must like the same shows, or read the same books are not important in the long run. If the husband and wife both want to keep each other happy they would do whatever it takes to make that happen.
I know it sounds like a simple concept. Just be committed to being committed. But it seems so elusive in today's world. We care too much about the material things.
Life is wonderful and complete, if at the end of the day, you, your loved ones, and your family are healthy and happy. That's all that matters. I know we lose sight of that sometimes. Even I lose sight of that. Living away from family in the States has been a difficult challenge for me. It has made me a snobby patriotic Canadian. But, the fact that I have my husband with me makes everything okay. I can cry to him when I miss home. I can talk to him when I get frustrated. It's just at the end of the day I know he will do anything and everything to keep me happy. And, that is what has made this past one year so remarkably beautiful.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
For the Sanctity of the F-Word
Okay, I am confused. The movie tells me that if a guy doesn't call you, doesn't ask you out, makes you wait on him, doesn't want to plan stuff, doesn't want to go out, doesn't want to move in together, doesn't want to have kids...HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.
Is it really that simple? So, what if the guy is shy? Or, what if, when you are busy being coy, the guy arrives at the conclusion that you are not interested in him, and the fear of rejection stops him from making the move, you have been waiting for?
I get confused with these dating guidelines. I would find it endearing if people just went for what they wanted. Both girls, and boys. I like to think that I am an upfront person, and if the opportunity presents itself I wouldn't have any qualms about asking the guy out. We are supposed to be beyond sexism. Equal opportunities for all. Do what we please. So why slow down the dating process with these stupid rules? Who benefits from these stupid rules, anyway? The "Self Help" book industry? And, the "feminists" at Cosmo?
Okay, so this is what I have against Cosmopolitan. The periodical's former editor, self-proclaimed feminist, skeletal Helen Gurley Brown, once said that girls should have border-line anorexia nervosa to maintain an "ideal" body weight. Cosmo, the 80 year old magazine, instead of writing about women in politics, or positive female role models, primarily focuses on "How to Please Your Man", "What Men Like", "Where to Find Eligible Bachelors", and other male-centric topics. Okay, I realize nobody wants to read about the brutalities women are faced with in Darfur and Congo. But, why they are turning their readers into predatory men-hunting sex slaves is beyond me.
Then there are the other delusional feminists, the "Sex and the City" clowns. They believe, men are like shoes, wear them and then dispose them off. These women use feminism to liberate themselves from any moral and/or social obligations. Look, I love pretty outfits as much as the next girl, but since when did it become okay to spend our entire paycheck on our wardrobe? And, now, they are coming up with another "Sex and the City" movie. Hey, at least these women are helping the economy, Paul Krugman style.
And, I don't get the Oprah cult either. Oprah started bugging me back when she plastered her stamp of approval on James Frey's dubious A Million Little Pieces. Later, when it was discovered that Frey exaggerated the truth, and his book was more fictional and less of a druggie hero's triumphal memoir, she called him on her show to yell at him. Dude, Oprah, didn't you have a moral responsibility to check the book's credentials before you endorsed it? And, what is with the "O" logo mugs, which are sold for 12 bucks each? And, if we are supposed to love ourselves first, and be comfortable with our body, embrace all body shapes and forms; then why is Oprah so critical of her own weight gain? Look, I respect the woman's rags to riches story, but I don't respect her bogus commercialism tactics.
By the way, to the future object of my affection, if I am ignoring you, please don't think I am not just that into you. Take my bizarre behaviour as a cue to ask me out :). And, don't ever quote The Secret to me! Don't ever tell me that some bizarre law of attraction brought us together! And, if you dig a girl who avidly reads Cosmo and its clones, remember this sort of "feminism" can backfire too:
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out that she wasn't really in love with me. She got that advice from an internet survey. FML
EDIT (2:44 PM): I just read it in the news that Oprah apologized to James Frey for shaming him on her show. Looks like blogging does have some journalistic relevance after all.
Is it really that simple? So, what if the guy is shy? Or, what if, when you are busy being coy, the guy arrives at the conclusion that you are not interested in him, and the fear of rejection stops him from making the move, you have been waiting for?
I get confused with these dating guidelines. I would find it endearing if people just went for what they wanted. Both girls, and boys. I like to think that I am an upfront person, and if the opportunity presents itself I wouldn't have any qualms about asking the guy out. We are supposed to be beyond sexism. Equal opportunities for all. Do what we please. So why slow down the dating process with these stupid rules? Who benefits from these stupid rules, anyway? The "Self Help" book industry? And, the "feminists" at Cosmo?
Okay, so this is what I have against Cosmopolitan. The periodical's former editor, self-proclaimed feminist, skeletal Helen Gurley Brown, once said that girls should have border-line anorexia nervosa to maintain an "ideal" body weight. Cosmo, the 80 year old magazine, instead of writing about women in politics, or positive female role models, primarily focuses on "How to Please Your Man", "What Men Like", "Where to Find Eligible Bachelors", and other male-centric topics. Okay, I realize nobody wants to read about the brutalities women are faced with in Darfur and Congo. But, why they are turning their readers into predatory men-hunting sex slaves is beyond me.
Then there are the other delusional feminists, the "Sex and the City" clowns. They believe, men are like shoes, wear them and then dispose them off. These women use feminism to liberate themselves from any moral and/or social obligations. Look, I love pretty outfits as much as the next girl, but since when did it become okay to spend our entire paycheck on our wardrobe? And, now, they are coming up with another "Sex and the City" movie. Hey, at least these women are helping the economy, Paul Krugman style.
And, I don't get the Oprah cult either. Oprah started bugging me back when she plastered her stamp of approval on James Frey's dubious A Million Little Pieces. Later, when it was discovered that Frey exaggerated the truth, and his book was more fictional and less of a druggie hero's triumphal memoir, she called him on her show to yell at him. Dude, Oprah, didn't you have a moral responsibility to check the book's credentials before you endorsed it? And, what is with the "O" logo mugs, which are sold for 12 bucks each? And, if we are supposed to love ourselves first, and be comfortable with our body, embrace all body shapes and forms; then why is Oprah so critical of her own weight gain? Look, I respect the woman's rags to riches story, but I don't respect her bogus commercialism tactics.
By the way, to the future object of my affection, if I am ignoring you, please don't think I am not just that into you. Take my bizarre behaviour as a cue to ask me out :). And, don't ever quote The Secret to me! Don't ever tell me that some bizarre law of attraction brought us together! And, if you dig a girl who avidly reads Cosmo and its clones, remember this sort of "feminism" can backfire too:
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out that she wasn't really in love with me. She got that advice from an internet survey. FML
EDIT (2:44 PM): I just read it in the news that Oprah apologized to James Frey for shaming him on her show. Looks like blogging does have some journalistic relevance after all.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Another Day In Paradise
During this economic downturn it is very easy to feel melancholic. Recently, I went to get my passport renewed, and I saw that a whole bunch of stores in the mall, where the government office was located, were having a "closing down sale" because they couldn't keep up with their lease. The thought of so many people losing their jobs made me extremely sad. Which sort of worked in my benefit, since due to the new government policy, Canadians are not allowed to smile in their passport pictures. I guess, this is the government's way of defying the stereotypical view of our innate Canadian niceness.
One of my friends has X-linked myotubular myopathy. Meaning where his twin sister has healthy legs and muscle strength, my friend has trouble moving around. Earlier today, he was telling me that he has a very hard time staying in touch with people, and going out, because he has to either rely on others, or on TransHelp to get to places. This made me realize, here is another thing I take for granted. The ability to walk. The ability to drive.
One of the colossal mistakes we make is that we focus on what we don't have, instead of being grateful for what we do have. There are people getting laid off, and shops getting closed, but at least in this country we have a welfare system, where the unemployed would be looked after, by the government. Unfortunately, we can't say the same about the people in the third world countries. For instance, there is a humanitarian crisis in Pakistan right now, but the country's president instead of being with his people in their time of need decided to travel to the US to ask for more aid, which he would eventually end up spending on himself.
We do not get to determine our place of birth, family, or country; but for the most part they shape our destiny. Any one of us could have easily been one of the individuals in this picture above.
One of my friends has X-linked myotubular myopathy. Meaning where his twin sister has healthy legs and muscle strength, my friend has trouble moving around. Earlier today, he was telling me that he has a very hard time staying in touch with people, and going out, because he has to either rely on others, or on TransHelp to get to places. This made me realize, here is another thing I take for granted. The ability to walk. The ability to drive.
Tens of thousands of civilians have fled the fighting [in Northern Pakistan] this week and provincial authorities have estimated that as many as 500,000 people may have been displaced.
One of the colossal mistakes we make is that we focus on what we don't have, instead of being grateful for what we do have. There are people getting laid off, and shops getting closed, but at least in this country we have a welfare system, where the unemployed would be looked after, by the government. Unfortunately, we can't say the same about the people in the third world countries. For instance, there is a humanitarian crisis in Pakistan right now, but the country's president instead of being with his people in their time of need decided to travel to the US to ask for more aid, which he would eventually end up spending on himself.
Pakistani children displaced from Buner reach out for food at a United Nations camp in Takht Bai, about 85 miles northwest of Islamabad.
We do not get to determine our place of birth, family, or country; but for the most part they shape our destiny. Any one of us could have easily been one of the individuals in this picture above.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
XKCD: Swine Flu
One of the frustrating things about Swine Flu, other than people's blatant ignorance, is the amount of dedication our media and government have provided to this outbreak.
Recently, for my research, I have started to look at the correlation between TB and HIV. TB has been on the rise since 1980s, but this problem is more prevalent in Southeast Asia, and Africa. That is why we don't really care how it has become a major cause of death among HIV patients in Africa.
Usually when doctors misdiagnose a TB patient, or when the patient does not have the money to follow the dosing regimen properly, the bacteria becomes more deadly. HIV patients who come in contact with the deadly TB normally end up dying, since their immune system is already compromised. Basically, all because we do not have the means to educate the doctors, or the patients properly. And, I find that disappointing and gut-wrenchingly depressing.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Paging Descartes: Afghan Dreaming
I have to admit my subconscious' humanitarian efforts always put my awake state to shame.
Last night, I had a dream that I was in Afghanistan. I was in Kandahar where the Canadian forces are stationed. Across the street past the barricades, I could see little Afghan children playing under the watchful eyes of the Taliban.
I believe one of the grave mistakes, the US made in Pakistan was that they just handed over 10 billion dollars to the former Pakistani President Musharraf, without any accountability. I think the drone attacks, which Obama supports, further polarize Pakistanis. Before 9/11 there were hardly any extremist groups in Pakistan, but now the Taliban control majority of the Northern Pakistan.
Handing out weapons, and backing corrupt governments is not the way to secure our borders. In Three Cups of Tea, Greg Mortenson shows us that with education we can eradicate the spread of extremist ideology in the region. But, sadly, we would rather solve the problems with weapons, and power exertion; than providing them with the basic necessities, such as proper health care, and education. Poverty nurtures terrorism. Not religion.
I see the US repeating the same mistake in Afghanistan. The US backed Karzai government in Afghanistan is corrupt and weak. Instead of funding the military to tame the ungovernable Afghanistan, we can spend the same money on setting up pharmaceutical industries in Afghanistan, which would not only put an end to the opium drug trafficking, but would also create jobs.
I have no faith in the world leaders to solve our problems, but what gives me hope is people like Fatima Gailani, who are changing lives in one of the most intolerant countries.
Last night, I had a dream that I was in Afghanistan. I was in Kandahar where the Canadian forces are stationed. Across the street past the barricades, I could see little Afghan children playing under the watchful eyes of the Taliban.
I believe one of the grave mistakes, the US made in Pakistan was that they just handed over 10 billion dollars to the former Pakistani President Musharraf, without any accountability. I think the drone attacks, which Obama supports, further polarize Pakistanis. Before 9/11 there were hardly any extremist groups in Pakistan, but now the Taliban control majority of the Northern Pakistan.
Handing out weapons, and backing corrupt governments is not the way to secure our borders. In Three Cups of Tea, Greg Mortenson shows us that with education we can eradicate the spread of extremist ideology in the region. But, sadly, we would rather solve the problems with weapons, and power exertion; than providing them with the basic necessities, such as proper health care, and education. Poverty nurtures terrorism. Not religion.
I see the US repeating the same mistake in Afghanistan. The US backed Karzai government in Afghanistan is corrupt and weak. Instead of funding the military to tame the ungovernable Afghanistan, we can spend the same money on setting up pharmaceutical industries in Afghanistan, which would not only put an end to the opium drug trafficking, but would also create jobs.
I have no faith in the world leaders to solve our problems, but what gives me hope is people like Fatima Gailani, who are changing lives in one of the most intolerant countries.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Survival of the Fittest
Often times when I think of contemporary Pakistan, I wonder what my life would be like, if I lived there. I think about the rich Pakistanis, in their fancy air-conditioned cars. I think about rich people driving hummers, in the narrow crowded streets of Karachi, Pakistan's largest city. I think about the small percentage of Pakistanis who are rich, speak fluent and proper British English in their Anglicized-Indian accents. I think about the rich Pakistanis with better health care plans than the average American.
Then these words of Charles Dickens' come to mind.
I believe, the above passage effectively describes the contradictions one finds in Pakistan. Pakistan is full of surprises, inconsistencies, and cultural shocks. The only way to survive a trip is to shut off your brain, and leave it at home. My parents are from Pakistan, and after spending every single high school summer in Pakistan, I still cannot fully understand this country of pretences. I cannot seem to find my place in their society.
Last week, The New York Times did a cover piece about Pakistan. The article was centered around Pakistan's bleak future, under Asif Ali Zardari's presidency. The cover story had a picture of Asif Ali Zardari sitting in front of a big portrait of the country's founder, Muhammad Ali Jinnah. On the table to his right, there rests a closeup framed photo of his late wife, Benazir Bhutto. On the table to his left, there is a framed photo of Ms. Bhutto taken at a political rally. In front of the said picture there is a Kleenex box, depicting Zardari's sensitivity. If anyone out there knows how to send out a pictorial message of patriotism, spousal devotion, and sensitivity, it is definitely the people who orchestrated this photo shoot.
Pakistan is a country where the rich are ostentatiously rich, and the poor are extremely poor. The weak government is corrupted. The country is in the epicentre of terrorism, both by the government and the Taliban insurgents.
The country is in shambles. Which prompts the question, what happens to failed nations? In 60+ years of its independence, Pakistan has never had a stable government. People are dying of hunger, infectious diseases, and illiteracy. The Urdu language, Pakistan's official language, is dying.
So, who should bail out Pakistan? What happens to failed states? Who comes to their rescue? Bush believed he was saving Iraqis from Saddam Hussein. G20 nations have their own economic problems to overcome. But, at the same time there are flattering nations like Pakistan, Haiti, Myanmar, which need our immediate focus. Or, is it all about survival of the fittest? Something I know Dwight Schtrute would attest to:
Michael Scott: No no no no, I mean have this kind of party. I look around and I see all these beautiful people who are alone on Valentine's and I think that there are other single people out there too. We just need to find 'em. There's a girl out there for all of us. Maybe even in this office park. There has to be a way to get all these lonely people together.
Dwight Schrute: What do you have in mind?
Michael Scott: I was thinking maybe like a mixer.
Dwight Schrute: Oh God that's a terrible idea.
Michael Scott: Old-fashioned meat market. I don't think it is.
Dwight Schrute: No. Lonely people mixing with one another? Breeding? Creating an even lonelier generation? You're not even allowing natural selection do its work. Pssh. You're like the guy who invented the seat belt.
Then these words of Charles Dickens' come to mind.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.
I believe, the above passage effectively describes the contradictions one finds in Pakistan. Pakistan is full of surprises, inconsistencies, and cultural shocks. The only way to survive a trip is to shut off your brain, and leave it at home. My parents are from Pakistan, and after spending every single high school summer in Pakistan, I still cannot fully understand this country of pretences. I cannot seem to find my place in their society.
Last week, The New York Times did a cover piece about Pakistan. The article was centered around Pakistan's bleak future, under Asif Ali Zardari's presidency. The cover story had a picture of Asif Ali Zardari sitting in front of a big portrait of the country's founder, Muhammad Ali Jinnah. On the table to his right, there rests a closeup framed photo of his late wife, Benazir Bhutto. On the table to his left, there is a framed photo of Ms. Bhutto taken at a political rally. In front of the said picture there is a Kleenex box, depicting Zardari's sensitivity. If anyone out there knows how to send out a pictorial message of patriotism, spousal devotion, and sensitivity, it is definitely the people who orchestrated this photo shoot.
Pakistan is a country where the rich are ostentatiously rich, and the poor are extremely poor. The weak government is corrupted. The country is in the epicentre of terrorism, both by the government and the Taliban insurgents.
The country is in shambles. Which prompts the question, what happens to failed nations? In 60+ years of its independence, Pakistan has never had a stable government. People are dying of hunger, infectious diseases, and illiteracy. The Urdu language, Pakistan's official language, is dying.
So, who should bail out Pakistan? What happens to failed states? Who comes to their rescue? Bush believed he was saving Iraqis from Saddam Hussein. G20 nations have their own economic problems to overcome. But, at the same time there are flattering nations like Pakistan, Haiti, Myanmar, which need our immediate focus. Or, is it all about survival of the fittest? Something I know Dwight Schtrute would attest to:
Michael Scott: No no no no, I mean have this kind of party. I look around and I see all these beautiful people who are alone on Valentine's and I think that there are other single people out there too. We just need to find 'em. There's a girl out there for all of us. Maybe even in this office park. There has to be a way to get all these lonely people together.
Dwight Schrute: What do you have in mind?
Michael Scott: I was thinking maybe like a mixer.
Dwight Schrute: Oh God that's a terrible idea.
Michael Scott: Old-fashioned meat market. I don't think it is.
Dwight Schrute: No. Lonely people mixing with one another? Breeding? Creating an even lonelier generation? You're not even allowing natural selection do its work. Pssh. You're like the guy who invented the seat belt.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Sweet Tooth
I believe the recession has improved my culinary skills. For instance, a few weeks ago I baked whoopie pies which would have otherwise cost me about $3 each. Normally, I don't think I would have tried the recipe because it literally took me hours to make them.
On this beautiful, sunny day, I am making apple pie. So I figured that I would do Martha Stewart a favour and share this delicious recipe that has been in my uncle's family for generations.
So enjoy!
Apple Pie
Filling
½ cup sugar
3 tablespoons flour
¼ tsp nutmeg
¼ tsp cinnamon
Dash Salt
5 cups thinly sliced apples
1 tbsp butter
Mix Sugar, flour, nutmeg, cinnamon & salt
Pour on apples & toss
Turn filling into pastry-lined pan
Dot with butter
Heat oven to 425 degrees
Cover filling with top crust which has slits cut in it
Seal & flute
Cover edge with strip of aluminium foil to prevent excessive browning
Remove foil last 15 minutes of baking
Bake until crust is golden brown and juice begins to bubble through crust (40-50 minutes)
Cool slightly on wire rack
Pastry for 8-inch two-crust pie
1 ½ cups all purpose flour
¾ teaspoon salt
½ cup + 2 tbsp shortening
3 tbsp water
Into mixing bowl add flour and salt
Cut into shortening.
Sprinkle in water gradually mixing with fork until all flour is moistened
Shape dough firmly into ball
Divide dough in half
Shape one half into flattened round on lightly floured cloth-covered board
Roll dough 1 ½ inches larger all around than pie pan
Carefully lift dough occasionally if it sticks rub a little flour into cloth beneath & continue rolling
Ease pastry into 8 inch pie pan
Turn filling into pan
Trim overhanging edge of pastry
Now I can format my computer in peace.
On this beautiful, sunny day, I am making apple pie. So I figured that I would do Martha Stewart a favour and share this delicious recipe that has been in my uncle's family for generations.
So enjoy!
Apple Pie
Filling
½ cup sugar
3 tablespoons flour
¼ tsp nutmeg
¼ tsp cinnamon
Dash Salt
5 cups thinly sliced apples
1 tbsp butter
Mix Sugar, flour, nutmeg, cinnamon & salt
Pour on apples & toss
Turn filling into pastry-lined pan
Dot with butter
Heat oven to 425 degrees
Cover filling with top crust which has slits cut in it
Seal & flute
Cover edge with strip of aluminium foil to prevent excessive browning
Remove foil last 15 minutes of baking
Bake until crust is golden brown and juice begins to bubble through crust (40-50 minutes)
Cool slightly on wire rack
Pastry for 8-inch two-crust pie
1 ½ cups all purpose flour
¾ teaspoon salt
½ cup + 2 tbsp shortening
3 tbsp water
Into mixing bowl add flour and salt
Cut into shortening.
Sprinkle in water gradually mixing with fork until all flour is moistened
Shape dough firmly into ball
Divide dough in half
Shape one half into flattened round on lightly floured cloth-covered board
Roll dough 1 ½ inches larger all around than pie pan
Carefully lift dough occasionally if it sticks rub a little flour into cloth beneath & continue rolling
Ease pastry into 8 inch pie pan
Turn filling into pan
Trim overhanging edge of pastry
Now I can format my computer in peace.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Running To Stand Still
There are two reasons why I am so impatient about finding the one.
One, I feel the longer it takes me to find him, the fewer years we will have together. I don't want us to only have 40 to 50 years together. I am greedy. I want more than that. I want as many years/decades as we can possibly get together.
Two, I have been wanting to have kids since high school.
I don't know about you, but I am still of the opinion that love is, and should be simple. You meet the person. You fall in love. You get married. Maybe this makes me naive, and/or very old school. My best friend thinks you need a good story for your kids, and grandkids. Just saying, "you met, and fell in love" does not sound exciting.
But, I find myself getting drawn to the simplicity of love. No drama. No stupid chase. Just simple, upfront, blunt love.
Charles Darwin made a list of the reasons why he should and shouldn't marry his wife. Ross, on "Friends", did something similar, and almost lost Rachel because of it. I also have a table with columns and everything consisting of guys I have encountered, and the reasons why it didn't work out. My best friend suggested that the list would provide me with some sort of perspective about what is that I am actually looking for. Plus, she suggested that when I finally meet the guy I can show the list to him, and it would provide him an ego boost, which, trust me, he would need after marrying me.
But, I guess the hard part is recognizing "the one" when he finally does show up. Scientists say the trick is not to be fooled by the surging dopamine levels, and instead let oxytocin do all the deciding. Dopamine is a feel good hormone which causes a heightened response to the outside world. You know when you meet someone for the first time, and you get the butterflies? Well, all of that happens because of dopamine. The initial infatuation is also due to dopamine.
Whereas, oxytocin, which is also called the love hormone, is a good marker of our true everlasting feelings. It is released when the mothers and babies first bond. It is also found during intense emotional situations. It increases intimacy, and helps in building trust. It is released when a couple eats together, and looks into each other's eyes. No wonder, Picasso never neglected to draw a woman's eyes.
So, I guess, dopamine is necessary for building chemistry and the initial attraction, but oxytocin is what we need to form an everlasting bond. I don't know if this discussion of the two hormones contradicts my theory about love being simple. Or, should we wait for dopamine to wear-off so oxytocin can do its magic? Or, when I look out my window at the beautiful full moon, and think that it would be nice to share the beauty with the one; does this wish have anything to do with either of the two hormones? Or, is it just me being a sad insomniac?
One, I feel the longer it takes me to find him, the fewer years we will have together. I don't want us to only have 40 to 50 years together. I am greedy. I want more than that. I want as many years/decades as we can possibly get together.
Two, I have been wanting to have kids since high school.
I don't know about you, but I am still of the opinion that love is, and should be simple. You meet the person. You fall in love. You get married. Maybe this makes me naive, and/or very old school. My best friend thinks you need a good story for your kids, and grandkids. Just saying, "you met, and fell in love" does not sound exciting.
But, I find myself getting drawn to the simplicity of love. No drama. No stupid chase. Just simple, upfront, blunt love.
Charles Darwin made a list of the reasons why he should and shouldn't marry his wife. Ross, on "Friends", did something similar, and almost lost Rachel because of it. I also have a table with columns and everything consisting of guys I have encountered, and the reasons why it didn't work out. My best friend suggested that the list would provide me with some sort of perspective about what is that I am actually looking for. Plus, she suggested that when I finally meet the guy I can show the list to him, and it would provide him an ego boost, which, trust me, he would need after marrying me.
But, I guess the hard part is recognizing "the one" when he finally does show up. Scientists say the trick is not to be fooled by the surging dopamine levels, and instead let oxytocin do all the deciding. Dopamine is a feel good hormone which causes a heightened response to the outside world. You know when you meet someone for the first time, and you get the butterflies? Well, all of that happens because of dopamine. The initial infatuation is also due to dopamine.
Whereas, oxytocin, which is also called the love hormone, is a good marker of our true everlasting feelings. It is released when the mothers and babies first bond. It is also found during intense emotional situations. It increases intimacy, and helps in building trust. It is released when a couple eats together, and looks into each other's eyes. No wonder, Picasso never neglected to draw a woman's eyes.
So, I guess, dopamine is necessary for building chemistry and the initial attraction, but oxytocin is what we need to form an everlasting bond. I don't know if this discussion of the two hormones contradicts my theory about love being simple. Or, should we wait for dopamine to wear-off so oxytocin can do its magic? Or, when I look out my window at the beautiful full moon, and think that it would be nice to share the beauty with the one; does this wish have anything to do with either of the two hormones? Or, is it just me being a sad insomniac?
Sunday, April 5, 2009
What lies behind a smile?
The above woman abuse advert made me think of an ex-friend of mine.
When I witness domestic violence in the media, I can predict how people who have never been exposed to abuse would react. I can also predict how the victims of abuse would react. But, I wonder what an abusive person thinks about, when he or she watches the above ad? Does this ad validate him? Does it remind him that there are other men out there who are living by his barbaric code? Or does he think that his situation is different, in his case the object of his abuse actually deserves the beatings?
My really good high school friend, unbeknownst to me, turned out to be abusive. It is ironic when I saw this ad, a couple of days ago, it made me think of him, and today I actually ran into him after not seeing him for more than 5 years.
He was a good kid. He got the highest average in school. He was excellent in sports. He helped everyone, and volunteered at a hospital. In grade 12, he started seeing someone, and by the second semester their relationship got a bit strange. They started skipping classes, and only hung out with each other. We witnessed them fighting in school hallways. I went to a very small high school so the word travelled really fast. His girlfriend was held responsible of their public outbursts. After all, he was the apple of everyone's eye.
High school ended, and we all went our separate ways. Those two stayed together for another year, until she reported him to the police, and got a restraining order. He tried getting help, but repeated the same cycle of abuse with his next girlfriend. At this point we had stopped talking so I don't know what happened next. I really hope he is better now.
The reason I am writing this post is because domestic violence exists in our so-called liberal society. These men may appear pleasant on the outside, but nobody knows what lies behind a smile. Majority of the women end up going back to their abusive partners. It really takes a lot of courage to break this vicious cycle of abuse, and put all the missing pieces together.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
The glass half full or empty?
This is my blog's first spring. I should warn you that I am a spring fanatic. I love everything about spring.
Following is the conversation that happened on MSN, after I changed my screen name to: "Zany saw the prettiest pink tulips. *HINT*HINT*"
Friend says:
who u hinting to
Zany says:
i'm not picky
Zany says:
whoever
Friend says:
just an open call
Zany says:
omg i saw this guy buying flowers
Zany says:
my heart skipped a beat. he was holding white daisies
Friend says:
did u jump him?
Zany says:
i just smiled at him
Zany says:
and he smiled back
Friend says:
well flowers can also mean i'm sorry...
Zany says:
why do you have to kill my optimism?
Friend says:
i drove my car into ur mothers house
Friend says:
or someone died...
Zany says:
no no
Zany says:
stop
Friend says:
just a shake of reality
Zany says:
it was out of love
Zany says:
he wanted to make her day special
Friend says:
maybe he was visiting his mommy
Friend says:
and wanted to bring her flowers
Zany says:
that's sweet too
Zany says:
all the more reasons for my heart to flutter
Zany says:
a guy who buys flowers for his mom is a keeper
Friend says:
yeppers!
Friend says:
(that mite leave him single too)
Zany says:
i know and he smiled back
Friend says:
ohhhh
Zany says:
lol
Friend says:
i love a good cute unexpected smile
Zany says:
well i smiled first
Zany says:
can't even expect guys to make the first move when it comes to smiling
Following is the conversation that happened on MSN, after I changed my screen name to: "Zany saw the prettiest pink tulips. *HINT*HINT*"
Friend says:
who u hinting to
Zany says:
i'm not picky
Zany says:
whoever
Friend says:
just an open call
Zany says:
omg i saw this guy buying flowers
Zany says:
my heart skipped a beat. he was holding white daisies
Friend says:
did u jump him?
Zany says:
i just smiled at him
Zany says:
and he smiled back
Friend says:
well flowers can also mean i'm sorry...
Zany says:
why do you have to kill my optimism?
Friend says:
i drove my car into ur mothers house
Friend says:
or someone died...
Zany says:
no no
Zany says:
stop
Friend says:
just a shake of reality
Zany says:
it was out of love
Zany says:
he wanted to make her day special
Friend says:
maybe he was visiting his mommy
Friend says:
and wanted to bring her flowers
Zany says:
that's sweet too
Zany says:
all the more reasons for my heart to flutter
Zany says:
a guy who buys flowers for his mom is a keeper
Friend says:
yeppers!
Friend says:
(that mite leave him single too)
Zany says:
i know and he smiled back
Friend says:
ohhhh
Zany says:
lol
Friend says:
i love a good cute unexpected smile
Zany says:
well i smiled first
Zany says:
can't even expect guys to make the first move when it comes to smiling
Saturday, March 7, 2009
We are two but we are one.
In a Charmed Life, a Road Less Traveled
One of my Saturday morning rituals is to read the Modern Love weekly column, in the New York Times. Reading other people's take on love, be it about real life obscure breakups, or once in a lifetime eternal love, somehow has a therapeutic effect on me.
The story above pointed out that when we think about love, or when we get into a marriage, we are usually thinking about building a happy life together. For some it is having children, snuggling in front of the idiot box, going to the park together, vacationing together, and the list goes on. But, I guess, even the most morbid individuals don't wonder, would their partner be there for them if they became physically disabled. Then again, these are the things we should not plan for, right?
In this week's love story, a car accident leaves the writer's wife physically disabled, where the writer is left to look after her. When he got the call from the hospital he wondered if she was mentally okay. The fact that he would be required to clean after her didn't bother him. He just wanted the essence of her being, her personality, the person he fell in love with to be there.
You know how they say looks come and go, but who we are, our soul, our personality, our intelligence is something that is truly uniquely ours. I think, at the end of the day, if somehow I could find this mythical mental connection with someone, then I know I would be okay.
One of my Saturday morning rituals is to read the Modern Love weekly column, in the New York Times. Reading other people's take on love, be it about real life obscure breakups, or once in a lifetime eternal love, somehow has a therapeutic effect on me.
The story above pointed out that when we think about love, or when we get into a marriage, we are usually thinking about building a happy life together. For some it is having children, snuggling in front of the idiot box, going to the park together, vacationing together, and the list goes on. But, I guess, even the most morbid individuals don't wonder, would their partner be there for them if they became physically disabled. Then again, these are the things we should not plan for, right?
In this week's love story, a car accident leaves the writer's wife physically disabled, where the writer is left to look after her. When he got the call from the hospital he wondered if she was mentally okay. The fact that he would be required to clean after her didn't bother him. He just wanted the essence of her being, her personality, the person he fell in love with to be there.
You know how they say looks come and go, but who we are, our soul, our personality, our intelligence is something that is truly uniquely ours. I think, at the end of the day, if somehow I could find this mythical mental connection with someone, then I know I would be okay.
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