My Toddler the Poet

My toddler the poet: 
"Mommy you are boti (chicken), I am chawal (rice). 
Mommy you are [the] rainbow. I am [the] sun.
Mommy you are [the] sun. I am [the] moon."

Raising a Moral Child

My daughter just turned two, and she has already started showing signs of compassion and love. Yesterday, when I was bringing in the groceries she stopped, and offered me her hand for support. The other day when she was out playing in the backyard, and I was inside, she kept on coming back to kiss me.

We have tried to be very positive around her, highlighting positive behavior, and ignoring tantrums, willing them to obsolesce. It takes an effort to raise a moral child. Here are some tips from an article published in the NY Times.

• By age 2, children experience some moral emotions, enforced by right and wrong.
• Praise is more effective than rewards. 
• "Rewards run the risk of leading children to be kind only when a carrot is offered, whereas praise communicates that sharing is intrinsically worthwhile for its own sake."
• What kind of praise should be given?
• Their character should be praised instead of their actions. This helps them in internalizing it as a part of their character.
• "When our actions become a reflection of our character, we lean more heavily toward the moral and generous choices. Over time it can become part of us."
• "Tying generosity to character appears to matter most around age 8, when children may be starting to crystallize notions of identity."
• "When children cause harm, they typically feel one of two moral emotions: shame or guilt."
• "Shame is the feeling that I am a bad person, whereas guilt is the feeling that I have done a bad thing."
• "Shame is a negative judgment about the core self, which is devastating: Shame makes children feel small and worthless, and they respond either by lashing out at the target or escaping the situation altogether."
• "Guilt is a negative judgment about an action, which can be repaired by good behavior. When children feel guilt, they tend to experience remorse and regret, empathize with the person they have harmed, and aim to make it right."
• "Shame emerges when parents express anger, withdraw their love, or try to assert their power through threats of punishment: Children may begin to believe that they are bad people."
• Parents should explain to their children:
• Why the behavior was wrong
• How it affect others
• How they can rectify the situation
• The appropriate response should be: 
• “You’re a good person, even if you did a bad thing, and I know you can do better.”
• "The beauty of expressing disappointment is that it communicates disapproval of the bad behavior, coupled with high expectations and the potential for improvement."

Letting Go vs. Getting Closer

I was going to email my husband this blogpost, but the following paragraph inspired me to post it here instead.

The chapter titles in some of the pregnancy books we read featured “Being a Mom” versus “Becoming a Father.” I joked about it then, and now I find that it’s true: you are instantly a mom, but you become a father. My wife was never more needed than she was that first day, and will never be again. Her journey requires a steady sequence of letting go (giving birth, going back to work, weaning from the breast). My journey is in reverse, it’s a steady sequence of getting closer.

As we are getting closer to the due date, I am realizing how much I am going to miss having the baby as a part of me. When I first found out I was pregnant, I couldn't wait till the due date, and thought it was light years away. But, now that I am almost half way through my third trimester, I know I am going to miss feeling the baby's kicks, little movements, and seeing his or her little fingers through my epidermis. 

In the quoted paragraph, it says that motherhood is about letting go. I would never have this much control over the baby's diet and safety as I have now. When my husband and I were talking about setting up the baby's crib in our room for the first few months, I could already sense the feelings of separation anxiety taking over the better of me. The mother in me found the idea of having the baby a feet away from our bed heartbreaking. Pregnancy is a beautiful (albeit at times uncomfortable) experience and I am going to miss it.