Monday, September 1, 2008


Movies like Second Generation and books like The Namesake express the melancholic nature of disassociation, 'immigrant children' feel whilst growing up away from their parents' birthplace and ancestral homes. Where our parents and relatives back home, in our parents' country, like to remind us, how different and Westernized we are, they often refuse to see, at the core of our existence we do place a lot of importance to their cultural honour and entitlement. But our effort to be more accommodating to their values, and the struggle to find a balance between their culture and our culture often go unnoticed.

I think most of the second generation children try to evolve their own culture which is an amalgamation of both our parents' values, and the opportunities we are provided in the 'new world'. Regardless of what the misconception is, we are not out there to defy them. As explained in a previous post, the marriage procedure that I opted for, where I meet boys introduced by my parents (this may sound a bit whorish), and then get to know them is an example of finding that perfect balance between the custom my parents grew up with, and the dating scene my friends are a part of. However, I would be lying to myself if I said that the process didn't seem forced, or that I didn't wonder if I would ever be able to find someone who would take me as I am. I know the latter is a concern everyone has, regardless of their ethnicity, finding a partner who would accept them for who they are, and share their passion in life.

The hardest part might be the fact that I don't personally know anyone who is going through the same stuff as me, so I'm always trying to read about other people's experiences who were able to survive this excruciating process. I came across this blog entry, where the blogger kia explicitly mentioned details, about her arranged marriage ordeal, that I had never heard anyone talk about before. I was glad that someone had the courage to come out and discuss the 'taboo' things I have always wondered about.

For instance, she mentions that during the process, where she met numerous potentials, she found herself drawing comparisons between them, and picked the guy who was relatively better than the rest of the bunch.

She also points out, the events leading up to marriage become more about the families, and the rituals than the two people who are actually going to be building their lives together. And, that reality sinks in when all the wedding rituals are over, and you close that door, and find yourself alone with the person you have committed to love, for the rest of your life. I have always wondered how two strangers who have never held hands go about doing the deed on the first night, especially if it is the first time for both of them. So for the first time, I read about the awkwardness that ensues when two strangers are about to have the first real contact without any parental involvement and meddling.