Saturday, February 14, 2009

You try until you don't...

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is my favourite Valentine's movie. It is about a couple who get their memory erased after they breakup. During the medical procedure Joel (Jim Carrey) realizes, not all of the memories he shared with his ex-girlfriend Clamentine (Kate Winslet) were bad, and he resists the urge to let go of those memories.

Personally, I am very hesitant to keep memorabilia, be it photographs or any sort of stubs. I am scared that I would end up keeping something which would hurt me in the future. So, unless, I am absolutely sure that saving something would not be torturous in the long run, I would not bother keeping it. I think, I have gotten better with time. I take more photographs now, than I ever did in the past. I do not have any school pictures, be it from elementary, middle, or high school. I also used to be really bad at staying in touch with people, I think I have gotten a bit better now.

But, I feel if I were to enter a relationship now, I would not hesitate from keeping physical evidence of the memories we would share, regardless of the outcome of the relationship. I feel now I have the maturity to realize that for better or worse our memories make us who we are. And, at the end of the day, the ultimate goal is to find someone who can see me beyond my flaws, and somehow still end up finding something likable to hold onto for the rest of our lives.

I know, I shouldn't be talking about breakups tonight. Btw, sorry, changetheworld360, I promised I would write about Revolutionary Road next, but I need to get this breakup rant out of my head first :).

The thing about memories is that they define us. Even the most tumultuous relationships have beautiful memorable moments, which are hard to hate or dismiss. Maybe people focus on the anger and hurtful memories during a breakup because these bad memories help them in stringing away from their ex, away from the routine, the regular habits, and rituals. During a breakup, thinking about the good times, the beginning of the relationship, will perhaps make it harder for the two to find their separate paths. I think, overtime people can look back and take the good with bad, and not long for what they had. Or wonder about what it could have been.

My old English teacher used to say that the opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference. I think, when two people are not meant to be, and no matter how much the third party tries to remind them of their inevitable incompatibility, the two wouldn't be able to break free from each other, until they get to this stage of indifference, where you are not left with any other option but to part ways. I, for one, strongly believe that most people don't get love right, in the first try. Sometimes it takes multiple tries to finally find the person we are meant to spend our lives with.


Maria Sondule said...

I like this post too. Wow, you're right, indifference is much more the opposite of love than hate.
And I agree about the memory thing. It's sometimes even better than being in a relationship with that person, because you can relive the good parts as much as you want and be free to try out new people.

changetheworld360 said...

In regards to the shoutout, that's perfectly okay! I love ESOTSM, one of my favorite movies, and this post is very appropriate for the occasion. =D
I agree with what you said. Memories inevitably define who we are, no matter how much we try to detach ourselves from them. And, it definitely takes a couple tries to find our true love. I'll keep that in mind as I grow older and begin searching for that.

Zany said...

I completely agree with your perspective. Just because things didn't work out between two people, does not mean they shouldn't cherish the beautiful memories they shared. Life is about a collection of these experiences, and it would be really boring if it was predictable and perfect all the time.

I think, these bad experiences or relationships inevitably help us in appreciating true ever-lasting love, when it finally makes its grand appearance.

Daisy said...

I love that film too- one of the greats. Wonderful post too- very timely.

Zany said...

Thanks Daisy. I hope your cold is better now :).

Sokatoa said...

So I love the look of your new blog. Very you!..
I haven't read this post yet because I am currently waiting to watch the movie! (as in right now). So soon I shall comment!