Saturday, August 9, 2008


A couple of weeks ago, I was driving home and stopped at a red light. Bobbing my head to some random music playing on the radio, I turned my head to the right. I saw the guy in the car hitting the girl sitting in the passenger seat. I started to shake, then I saw the girl hit him back. The traffic light turned green, and the black car on my right raced away. I noted down their license plate number, and began to follow them, so I could inform the cops about their whereabouts. I saw them going on the highway. I called the police, and I hope they saved the girl.

What I did was nothing profound. The point of me sharing this here is that this incident made me realize that the faces of violence change, but the cycle, the emotions, and the blows remain the same.

The sceptics say that in the modern world, where we have laws protecting us, these women have no excuse to stay in an abusive relationship. But, the men have made them feel unwanted. They have made them feel that they deserve the beatings, and nobody but them could love these women. They tell the victims that all they have to do is just try to keep their word, try to keep the man, the abuser, happy by looking after his needs, by listening to him. When the women see the bystanders minding their own business and not doing their part, they are further made to believe that they deserve the beatings. They further give up on themselves. They further try to appease their abusive partner, so they don’t give him an excuse to lose his temper again.

The thing with these abusive partners is that they are not always some drunk druggies with no money or proper education. They could be anybody. I knew of this guy who got the highest average in his high school and graduated from university with distinction. To his colleagues he was the perfect gentleman. But when his girlfriend told everyone about the brutalities she had to endure in their two year relationship nobody, including me, could believe her. But the girl had black eyes and scars to show for, which she had initially blamed on her clumsiness. She blamed her black eye to getting hit by a door. Her scars on the face to falling down on concrete. When she began to run out of stories, she requested the guy to hit her on her torso, because people were getting suspicious. She protected him during those two years because she loved him and she thought he loved her too. She was convinced that it was her fault that she was getting these beats. After all, if it wasn't her fault or if she did not deserve this, God would not be making her go through this torturous ordeal. The guy had hit her in the presence of his family but even they did not do much to stop the abuse. Their love for him did not change. So she was made to feel that she deserved this, so she continued to live this life. She stayed in the relationship until she realized that she could not take it anymore.

I guess the point I am trying to make here is that the next time you see someone getting abused do something about it. Do not approach the couple if you don't feel safe, but make sure you call the police.